


You're okay, we're okay

by WhatsNew



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012 Era (Phandom), 2019 Era (Phandom), Coming Out, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:33:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22317802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatsNew/pseuds/WhatsNew
Summary: Uploading such an important video affects Dan but Phil is right by his side- literallyThey've come a long way and crossed many obstacles. Now they can breathe a bit easierBasically them being cute
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 22





	You're okay, we're okay

**Author's Note:**

> So this is what happens when I miss seeing them together and a friend tweets soft things about them. I had to get all the fluff out of my head:)
> 
> Also sorry for any possible mistakes!

"Are you sure you're not gay?" "Is Phan real??" 

The all too familiar questions popped out again in the chat and Dan felt his annoyance build. He was so tired of this. So tired of being prodded and questioned about things he wasn't ready to open up about. He knew he hadn't handled it all in the best way possible but god dammit he was a person with feelings too!70

Dan sighed and shook out of his thoughts. He had to continue the liveshow. He looked at his laptop screen and realised he had only been live for 5 minutes. Great. 

The sense of anxiety was hard to get past this time. Dan kept a conversation with his fans going on but ignoring the intruding messages became harder and harder. Suddenly a question about the infamous video rolled past and Dan felt a piece stuck in his throat. This was his least favourite part. Something incredible his most important person had done for him was soiled and twisted into something almost ugly and used against them. Dan didn't deserve this and most importantly Phil didn't.

Dan hated how things were between them now. They still lived together and were still in a relationship but they had to be extra careful. All the time. Or so it felt. They had never showed affection publicly because Dan felt insecure about his identity. He wasn't even nearly ready yet but he wasn't ashamed of being attracted to guys and for heaven's sake he definitely wasn't ashamed of Phil.

Phil. Phil was so amazing during all of it. So insanely understanding, supportive and even apologising it made Dan feel guilty. He never wanted this to happen. Phil deserved better than being forced back in the closet for his mess of a boyfriend who couldn't get over it. Phil knew the whole story and never intentionally showed any sign of frustration towards Dan.

Dan could see this mess affecting Phil in its own way. He was in his thoughts a lot and needed time alone more than usual. Dan was pretty sure that Phil suffered in silence, not wanting to make Dan feel any worse. They did fight occasionally and Dan didn't like the way things were progressing. It never went too far and they were able to follow Phil's rule of never going to bed angry. It wasn't always easy. Phil was the one thing Dan never wanted to lose. He had known from the start he'd found something very special. Phil understood him better than anyone else and made him feel safe again. Now that feeling was ripped off by small portion of his "fans". It felt like reliving those horrid school years all over again.

There were better days when everything felt like before, but sometimes just one look at social media could ruin Dan's mood. He had no choice but to shut down and lock this thing he wasn't ready to discuss away. He really tried to focus on making things better between him and Phil. As mad as Dan was Phil didn't deserve to be the target. His followers got their own fair share too and Dan wasn't proud of how easily he snapped and how harshly he worded things. He just felt trapped and under attack even in his own home.

"Dan?"

Dan suddenly felt a poke in his ribs. That's weird.

"Dan? You fell asleep."

It was Phil's soft voice. Of course it was. Dan slowly blinked his eyes open, feeling disoriented. The lounge of their second London flat came to his blurry view. He had indeed dosed off during their late night anime marathon. His cheek was pressed against Phil's chest and their pimp blanket was still covering both of their legs.

Dan groaned and lifted his head to look at Phil. He looked sleepy too. His quiff had started to droop a bit and to Dan he looked positively adorable. 

"Hi." Dan said, smiling. "I guess I did. Had a weirdly realistic dream though." Dan let his cheek land on Phil's chest again, the angle hurting his neck. "Hi to you too sleepyhead." Phil chuckled. "Really? What was it about? Or would you rather not say?" "No, I don't mind. Although admittedly it wasn't that pleasant of an experience. I was doing a liveshow and based on the chat and my thoughts it was 2012. Ugh. Uploading the video must have brought everything vividly back. I hated that time and how I was treating you. We were both affected and I only made it worse for you eventhough I knew you didn't des-"

"Dan." Phil sternly interrupted Dan's flood of words. "Bear, we've been over this many times. Please don't feel guilty anymore. It wasn't our best time, no, but we made it through didn't we." Phil's tone was soft and soothing. He started to play with Dan's earring. "Everything is fine now. I'm so proud of you and your journey from there to this day."

Dan listened intently and felt his eyes starting to water. To be honest he certainly didn't always think he would be uploading a video about his sexuality and struggles of the past. But here he was. In the arms of his soulmate and companion through life, getting so much support from him and his followers and friends. Suddenly it hit Dan again. The months worth of emotional rollercoaster was over and Dan felt like the glass box around him was finally lifted. He felt like a new life had begun. 

Dan couldn't avoid getting emotional. "I couldn't have done any of this without you. I know it's sappy as fuck and if this was a gaming video I'd have to make a gagging noice." Dan let out a small laugh and felt Phil's chest shake in silent amusement. "But I mean it and everything I said in the video. You were the first person who made me feel safe again." Dan voiced his thoughts from the video and the dream. "You and your wonderful family helped me to accept myself and I'm forever grateful. Truly. And I know you hate it when I feel guilty but apparently I can't always help it. Yes you have stolen mountains of cereals and leave cupboards open like a bloody hurricane but I'd never want to lose you."

Phil felt a pang in his heart. Dan couldn't lose him. Even if he wanted to. This was it. They were it to each other. Two separate people with their own spaces partly overlapping. That was probably the thing that made their relationship so great. They were strong as individuals and only encouraged each others ambitions and passions. They had so much faith for the other.

"Phil?"

Oh crap. Phil had been lost in his thoughts for too long. "Dan. Please look at me." Dan turned his head to face Phil. "You won't. Whatever insecurity your dream brought back is not reality. I may never truly understand what you have been through but I can assure you that I don't have any plans to let you go. At least not voluntarily."

"I know. I'm just being stupid. And half asleep. That uploading and all the stress really got me. I do trust you and always have. That's what makes you so special. You absolute dork." Dan said smirking and looked Phil in the eye.

"Oi!" Phil's mock offence didn't fool anyone let alone Dan. They both erupted into giggles, Dan's head bouncing with Phil's chest. "We really are disgusting aren't we." Dan said. "Well, yes. But that's the best part of us. Although I should hate cheese- iness." Phil said deadpan. Dan groaned in frustration. "Philll! Release me from this hell of bad puns the gaming channel is on hiatus for fucks sake!"

Phil started properly laughing now. "Hey be thankful I didn't bust out Hello Internet. It would've been appropriate on the premiere of your autobiographic masterpiece."

Dan gasped in pure horror and betrayal. "Philip Michael Lester you know that that is never appropriate. Unless you have a dead wish."

Phil was still laughing. "No I don't. And luckily I neither have a dead fish."

"That's it I take it all back I'm moving out right now." Dan said and started to climb up from between Phil and the sofa. Phil's arms wrapped around his hips to prevent it and Dan ended up losing his balance and falling on top of Phil.

"Noooo don't leave me we haven't even adopted a fish yet. We should totally finally do that!" Phil's face lit up like child's would in a sweet shop. Dan couldn't help but melt once again in front of this adorable man. "Fine I won't leave. But you'll have to consider that fish for a little while longer and not go get one behind my back."

Phil brushed Dan's curls off his forehead and kissed it. "Good. And of course I wouldn't do that." Phil said with such innocence. However Dan didn't buy it for one second and sighed. "At least wait for after Vidcon please. Maybe we should get another triop first to test our abilities to sustain life." Dan laughed. "By the way you've always had a real talent of making my sulking ass happy again. So thank you I guess."

"I was an excellent triop dad! Anyway. Happy to be of assistance. Make it happy how and in what way exactly though?" Phil couldn't help smirking.

Dan gaped for a moment. "Absolute filth like your fondness of Riverdale. I will go to bed now. Bye you turd." Dan pushed himself up hands against Phil's chest, stood up and threw the pimp blanket over Phil's head. "To sleep you perv don't even think about saying it." 

Phil was laughing his cute pug laugh under the bundled blanket. Dan couldn't help but smile. He was okay. They were more than okay. 

"Am I allowed to come cuddle you?"

"Yes. Come spoon me you spoon."


End file.
